Actual Modifiers

“Excuse me?” The woman inside doesn’t turn her head, but holds up one very long finger –on her nail a glittery design painted over Miami Dolphin orange – and signals for me to wait.

I am standing in front of the circular intercom in the middle of a supposedly bullet-proof box proclaiming to be a subway information booth. The woman inside is talking on the phone with her head turned so she can’t see me. I wait a few more minutes and then I tap on the glass.

I have saved up about a dozen metrocards each with only $1 left on them. Insufficient fare at the turnstile – I need two bucks per swipe, and I’ve had no luck figuring out how to combine these cards at the ticket machines.

Finally, she clicks on the mic.
“Yes?”
“Hi. I wanted to combine the balances of these cards onto just one. Can I do that here?”
“Oh, yeah. No. What you need to do is have an actual person help you with that.”

(Ok, I don’t think she noticed my eyebrows lift in surprise or that I smiled. I continued our conversation even though I am sure I have just heard her say that she is not an actual person. She is obviously a figment of my imagination with a fabulous hair weave and $75 acrylic manicure who cannot help me.)

“And where would these actual people who can help me be located?”
“Go back down the tunnel, turn right….blah blah blah ….” She rattles off directions to another underground galaxy far, far, away which I certainly don’t have time to visit this morning.
“Ok, thanks!”
Sigh. I’ll try again on Monday. I hope this isn’t an omen that all the actual people aren’t coming in to work today…