Helluva Snow Camp NY

I've watched on/off 10 hours of Inauguration Day news today and now I'm exhausted. I'm on overload. But now that the new guy is in and the kids are tucked away in the white house watching movies, I am turning my attention to the meaningless routines of daily life..

I check the weather. Still cold. Browsing through the status reports of my online friends I see several non-presidential status notes. Derek's has caught my attention because he says can't wait for snow camp. Ahh, snow camp. C'mon down. I assume he knows I am currently hosting my own commuters only 2 week snow camp here in NY?

Here are the activities (you may join in wherever you are this winter.)

You must complete the following to win the helluva snowcamper prize:

1) Cross country ski to work in the morning. Points per mile. You must be on time to work and wardrobe changes are not permitted. You will also earn points if you zip past cars, buses or freezing commuters who paid almost 200 bucks this month for their stagnating ride into the city.

2) On your way home from work, you will downhill ski back to your residence. Night skiing is a ton of fun (although doesn't burn as many calories as cross country.)

3)You are required to make 2 angels per day; or one peg-and-run snowball throw at an unsuspecting pedestrian target.

4)Twice per week you will walk to the commuter train in inappropriate footwear and missing one important piece of attire usually worn in below zero temperatures. (You may choose to leave behind one mitten, hat or scarf. ) You will wear boots with stiletto heels or no-traction type rubbery soles. Either will test your balance as you occasionally slip on black ice.

5)You must carry one pair of skis for ten city blocks. Each time someone hurls curses at you or you actually hit them, points will be deducted from your final score.

You will also compete for high score in the following challenges:
6)icicle toss
7)nose drip
8)snow eating contest
9)dodging dangerous falling ice/snow from awnings, rooftops, and other high places
10)longest stand facing wind waiting for bus before your eyes tear uncontrollably

You are disqualified if you get frostbite.

**Your final obstacle will be a semi-survival test. You will drive to LaGuardia Airport in the snow in a smart car. The driver's side windshield wiper not work properly and you will be left to your own devices to clean the windshield. You will not have 4-wheel drive or snow tires. You will be wearing ski boots and must board a plane that has been delayed due to a third de-icing. You will be armed with 8 dollars, and a sopping unscannable e-ticket. You must complete the in-flight simulator test to land a plane in an icy Hudson River before you are allowed to board the flight.

I hope you love winter like I do, otherwise this might not be any fun for you - good luck!